Before You Suggest a Truth Test to Your Partner

Why questioning does not bring peace back

The one who doubts hears either a confession or a new lie in every answer. The one being questioned feels interrogated and withdraws, even with nothing to hide. After the tenth “swear to me”, words stop carrying weight. A phone checked in secret calms you for an evening, and in the morning the anxiety is back. What helps to get out of this loop is a simple clarification: what exactly do you want to know, and what will you do with the answer?

What can actually be checked

When the doubt can be narrowed down to a specific fact, one of the tools is a truth test based on eye movements. We run it on EyeDetect, a system made by the US company Converus. From the outside it looks like a questionnaire on a computer, but a camera follows the person's pupils and gaze the whole time while they read statements and answer “true” or “false” to each one; the program also takes response speed into account. People often call this a polygraph test, but it is a different device: breathing, pulse and skin response, which the classic polygraph works with, are not recorded here.

The main limitation is about content. A single test holds from one to three questions, and each has to be about a fact or an event: whether there was an intimate relationship with another person after a certain date, whether there was secret romantic correspondence in the last six months. Questions such as “Do you love me?”, “Who are you thinking about?” or “Will you ever cheat?” do not work for the test: they are about feelings, thoughts and intentions, not events. Examples of wording are collected on our fidelity test page.

In secret or under pressure, it will not work

We do not run the test without the person's own consent, confirmed in writing. The partner receives the agreed wording in advance, together with an explanation of what exactly counts as, say, “romantic correspondence”. A test cannot be carried out in secret, and no one can be forced into it.

That is why the test has to be a joint decision, not an ultimatum. If your partner refuses, that is their right, and a refusal should not be read as a sign of guilt: some people are deeply hurt by the suggestion itself.

Where it takes place and how long it lasts

EyeDetect needs dedicated equipment. It is available at our office in Lviv and at our partners in Kyiv and Zaporizhzhia. In those two cities the test takes place at the partner's office, where a family test costs UAH 8,500. A visit to the client is also available there: UAH 8,500 within the city, UAH 12,000 in the region. To other cities in Ukraine the examiner travels from Lviv with the equipment: within Lviv region the visit is free, and in any other region it is UAH 12,000 all-inclusive, test included. The test itself takes 30–45 minutes.

The other option is VerifEye, an online test from the same company for your own smartphone. It is taken in a quiet room; the app speaks the questions and the person answers aloud. The test takes 15–20 minutes, and the PDF report is ready within 5 minutes after the last answer. We run both tests in one of four languages: Ukrainian, Russian, English or German.

How such a test goes step by step, from the first call to the report, is described in a separate article.

What the report shows and why an error is possible

In the report, the credibility of the answers is scored from 1 to 99. Converus itself does not call the test error-free: its accuracy figures are 86–90% for EyeDetect and 84–89% for VerifEye. In other words, one report in ten, or more, may be wrong, and in either direction: the algorithm can doubt a truthful person or miss a lie. That is why the report works as a reason for a serious conversation, not as a replacement for one. Besides, it answers only the question “did it happen”; “why” and “what next” are for the couple to answer.

Situations where the test will not help

There are circumstances in which a report changes nothing or only does harm.

• The decision to separate has already been made. The report will not change it, and the procedure will only add pain for both.
• One partner agrees under pressure, because of threats to leave or to take the children. Such consent is not voluntary.
• The doubts return after any answer. If no answer calms you for long, a report is unlikely to either.
• The real problem is communication: you have not talked about what matters for a long time, and resentment has built up.

When you need a psychologist, and when it is about safety

If the doubts return after any answer, or the real problem is communication, it is worth seeing a family psychologist: they work with the causes of distrust rather than with a single fact. And if there is humiliation, threats or control in the relationship, it is no longer about trust but about safety, and that is where to start.

What to ask yourself before the conversation

Four questions worth answering for yourself before you bring up the test.

• What exactly do I want to know, and can I put it in one sentence about a specific event or period?
• What will I do if the report confirms my partner's words, and what if it does not?
• Will I be able to stop the questioning if the result is in their favor?
• Am I offering this as a joint step, or as a condition everything depends on?

If you do not have an answer yet

If you do not yet know what you will do with the result, it is better to wait with the test. On its own it does not restore trust or save a relationship. The conversation that matters still takes place between two people, not in front of a camera.